WARNING: You are about to take the blue pill... or maybe its the red pill. I don't remember, but either way, you can't unread what you will read. You can't unknow what you know! ;) There is solace by the end.
I love those conversations that start with one little innocent question pondering something seemingly insignificant, and hours later you are deep in conversation debating the nature of the universe, where you have had so many "ah ha!" moments that you have no idea how you ever got here. Well, I had one of those the other day. I was talking with a friend, and he shared a thought with me - something that he heard in a podcast - and an hour later we were unraveling the inner workings of our society's domestication of children and its impact on them later on as adults. Well, more accurately, we were discussing adults and how screwed up we all are... well, at least how we seem to be anyway.
If you are unfamiliar with the term, domestication in humans refers to the training and experience that we encounter as children encouraging us to efficiently engage in societal living. It is learning to get along with others, and learning to be part of society. As a buzz word, it has taken on a negative connotation, pointing to the "training" of children as a way of learning not to upsetting the apple cart. Which is, more often than not, true, and there are aspects of domestication that are very necessary. We need to be able to live alongside each other, even with each other. There are also aspects of domestication that, if left unchecked, can create overwhelming systemic problems, kill creativity, and discourage individuals from being able to distinguish "what is right" from "what we are told." This is not to say that domestication inherently has these faults built-in, but unchecked, it is unfortunately easy to go from learning to "fit in" to doing what you are told without question - We learn not to be individuals. Creative thinking, problem solving skills, and the ability to self-reflect are some of the first things to go when domestication goes too far. Uniqueness and individuality are often nowhere to be seen.
Hence the conversation on the seeming "screwed-up-ness" of adults. You can easily see how we go from being domesticated children into lost and confused adults. Now, is it fair to say that we are "all" screwed up? No. not at all. Many of us are not. In fact, I would argue we aren't screwed up at all; just that we are told we are (which ironically is also part of the domestication process).
This first, "ah ha!" moment of the conversation, not that this is a really new idea, but it is crucial to the conversation: We are all domesticated beyond belief. Quite literally, beyond our beliefs. We have each acquired a belief system - through our parents, schooling, society, news/media, etc. - that blinds us to possibility. It would be nearly impossible to grow up without one.
It is fairly safe to say that in the States, we have all been brought up in a society that was, up until recently, dependent on our domestication into the work force. In a nut shell, companies and corporations relied on us as employees in order to make money. The economy relied on our jobs at these companies so that we could make money and spend it on things. We relied on our jobs in order to purchase the things we needed. The more we spent the better the economy, the easier it was for us to spend money, the more the corporations and companies had to produce, and the cycle starts over. It was necessary, beyond anything we could seemingly believe, that we were domesticated into this way of being. It would seem for a while that the more we bought into this system the more it would work. It might seem that we didn't have a choice. You want to eat? You need a job. We had become so deeply intrench in the systemic need for conformity that there seemed like no way out. How does anyone get out of a system they are dependent on?! Now, fear creeps in.
The important focus here is not even on the system itself. I don't know that I could suggest a better means of ensuring somewhat stable grounds for society; perhaps only to add a system of balance. The focus here is on what we have come to believe about this system and how we have been taught to feel about it - or maybe not feel.
At some point it becomes clear that there is something missing in all of this. Well... there are many things missing in all of this, but let's look at one in particular. What must it be like to live in a society that is weighted down by this overwhelming need to conform? I suspect many of us know for sure what that feels like. But the question is, "What must it be like..?" How must you be in order to remain in this kind of scenario and survive? And, that is it for many: survival. The feeling of being trapped in survival mode is common and equally as common, it is subconscious. Feelings get shut off because they are too overwhelming to deal with. It is not safe to express oneself, and we shut down. Anyone feeling trapped in this situation would. It is our human nature to protect ourselves.
Staying in the system is "safe." At least it feels that way anyway. Leaving the system would be dangerous; life threatening, it would seem. Many are driven, unconsciously, by this fear. They need the system that they were reared in to remain the same in order to feel safe. They need you to remain the same in order for them to feel safe - at least that is what they believe subconsciously. There are people that are so dependent on you staying small and domesticated in order for them to keep their sense of safety that they will resort to nearly anything to keep you that way. Until having this realization, most of us will unknowingly resort to similar behavior. We are domesticated that way. Ironic that parenting is one of the most commonly acceptable place to engage in this practice, and most of us are completely unaware that we are doing it. How often do we engage in domesticating practices unnecessarily, only to keep our own sense of safety? In doing so we enable the cycle to continue. Unchecked, we did what our parents did, and our kids will do what we did simply in order to survive.
The second "ah ha!" moment: Living in unchecked domestication we are trapped in survival mode. Basic psychology tells us that humans have needs. If those needs are not met we are ill. Maslow says there are 3 areas in which we require needs being met; basic needs, psychological needs, and self-fulfillment needs.
When all of these ares are fulfilled we feel equally fulfilled, expressing ourself in all of our human glory. If any one of these areas is lacking we would experience a form of emotional illness. We would not feel right and our life would seem at odds with the world. The out of balance, unchecked domestication that we have been talking about keeps in a cycle that is trying to meet our most basic human needs. However, it also keeps feeling and believing that this needs are not met. Our beliefs keep us feeling trapped simply trying to have our basic needs met. It doesn't matter what other needs may be met, if our basic survival needs are at risk we are in panic mode.
It is no wonder so many people walk through their day-to-day lives feeling broken. Our cultural norm is to unknowingly accept a role that encourages us to remain feeding a system that seems to depend on our willingness to be less than what we are born and designed to be!
The third and most important "ah ha!" moment of the conversation: You are not broken. You have been duped!! We have all been duped - even the ones doing the duping. We have bought so far into "what has been"that we have been blinded by its ignorance, and it tells us we are broken.
I believe there is an evolution to human consciousness, and over the last few decades we have been collectively awakening to an idea that is culminating in this present moment. Globally, we are waking up to the idea that we are not meant to suffer. We are not here on this planet to be anything less than our greatest aspirations; to live in pure joy and happiness. Yet, we have been living within our beliefs systems that were forged a century or more ago; systems that are old, outdated and now broken. We have been taught to look for our desires, our happiness, and our joy outside of ourselves. If we are looking outside of ourselves we will continue to look, hopelessly. We are born with joy, with happiness. Our desires are not our goals. Our desires are for the journey. Success has never brought happiness. Success breads a yearning for more success. Our desires are what pull us back to our joy. You are not broken... you have been duped.
It is our awareness that saves us from feeling stuck, from feeling trapped. How do we break the cycle if we don't know the cycle exists? How do we escape that which is pulling us down if we are looking in the wrong place? How do we know we can step out of our domestication if we don't know that it has happened? Let us be grateful for the system that we have all been a part of that has lead us to this point. It has been the catalyst for our collective growth, for the expansion of human consciousness, to the realization that we are not meant to live by "less than." Let us, through our awareness, step out into a greater way of being. Let us leave the life of being broken and live a life of our greatest desires. Let us recognize how all that has come before has gotten to the point of being so uncomfortable for so many that it is no longer an option. We must embrace what is to come. You must realize that you are not broken, that what you are looking for is within you, and that it is time to find it.
You are not broken. You are perfect!
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